About Me

This site is for you, if, like me, you were ever told you can't draw, you can't paint. You may even tell yourself that nowadays, carrying it round with you, believing it to be true, while, inside, there is a little bit of you, wanting to try. Yet, it is so hard - with that nagging voice in your head, telling you you're rubbish - to try to become the best artist you can be.

A long time ago at school, my Art teacher told me to stick to technical drawing. I've never forgotten it. This, despite doing what I thought was a pretty good painting of our living room at home. Well, I liked it. The shapes and lines were off a bit but the colours were great. And I remember being engrossed, doing it. I was now 12, preparing to make my exam choices in four years' time. Well, that was that. He was the teacher and his advice left its mark, maybe, because it was also true. I didn't feel good at 'art'. It's something I've always felt I couldn't do. 'I can't draw!' And that's all there is to it. I wish I could, but I've been told... Still, I enjoy doodling. I even tried sketching sometimes, taking a pad on holiday. But I was hopeless and it dampened my spirits. I gave up.

In the meantime and, particularly since turning 50, I have had the opportunity to try all sorts of creative work, such as writing, music, storytelling, film-making. I really enjoy all of these. As for art, I decided, that would have to wait till I retired. There might be a twist yet.

So, one autumn, when I found myself in my leisure, I signed up for Gordon's art class. He was a tutor, employed by the same educational charity I had worked for, which is how we first met. We worked with adults, providing second chances to learn in as many different and inviting ways we could think of. Along the way, I had noticed Gordon enable his students to go and learn at their own pace, providing encouragement and advice, when needed. 'That'll be me one day', I often smiled to myself.

I had set up some of his classes as the organiser and joked with him I had to keep his class going for when I retire. Could I learn to draw and paint? Something was definitely pushing me to find out and it wasn't my art tutor's words. It was me! Sadly, the funding of my organisation changed and creative arts without a vocational outcome suddenly became a very low priority. Happily, Gordon kept his art class going privately and affordably, so I was finally able to join. Would I be any good? I started with 'Drawing'.

And it was ok. Among many things, I learned that there is more than one way to draw a line and that lines tend to end up in one point. Also, that adult art tutors are very kind and the people attending too form a strong and supportive bond. In the January of that year, however, that class had to move further away from me to a new venue, making it harder for me to get there on my bike. I fortunately discovered a new group right on my door step in a church activity room with Clare.

'I was wondering about starting with drawing...', I began. ' You're painting', she said. 'Acrylics are best for beginners. They dry quickly.' That was that! 'Get started!', she instructed.

I began to go into art shops. I started looking at fields or the sky, noticing shades of colour, not to mention shadows. 'How do you paint that?', I wondered. Is that hooker's green, Payne's grey, or a little yellow ochre..? I acquired brush cleaner! Lucky for me, my partner is an artist and she gave me loads of hand-me-down, very good starter kit. Art is a pricey hobby.

I'd gotten through one course with Clare and was feeling quite pleased with my efforts. I had my 'style' already, she told me, which was, well, you'll see... I don't need to put a label on it. Why would you? So long as one person likes it, or even has a response to it, that will do me. As someone, who had worked as an adult tutor, I wanted to share my work to show what I'd done but also, partly, to encourage others to have a go at something. Adult learning classes are some of the best things I know. So unlike school and a lot of fun! And I do know of at least one friend, who said they were going to get their paints out again! (Not sure they have!)

And I wanted to stay in touch with Gordon. We have spoken on the phone most weeks about life under lockdown mid Covid-19 Britain. Sometimes, we talk about my paintings. 'Eleven out of ten!', one of his catchphrases, he might say, in his encouraging way.

So, lockdown comes, the first one. It's March 2020. I try a 30-day quarantine drawing challenge. I've never done one of these before in my life. It is terrifying and my skills develop. But I've not been with a tutor in a class since March 2021. I've avoided Youtube or any other online tutorials (apart from those for the Quarantine challenges sketches), preferring to learn by experience. I did have a look once but felt overwhelmed by the information 'in my face'. I like my efforts. Just have a go! And, for sure, the magic of the paint goes on and does something after I've finished the work (or think I have!).

Actually, there is a text I've found helpful. It's Vibrant Acrylics by Hashim Akib. My partner matched it with me. I love the blurrs and colours. I use it sparingly, like a treasure trove of ideas. I have no need to rush into them. There's time. And, meanwhile, I paint, looking, noticing, seeing, borrowing, listening, finding a way.

I'm learning to be patient, while painting. Often, if not every time, a little voice tells me 'this is rubbish. I'm rubbish.' Thankfully, I listen to a different voice now. This one is a bit more experienced, which tells me to keep going. Every time so far, something amazing happens. I look at my painting and think I liker that. That is good. Or some bit of it is good. I do like that! How did I do it?

I am keeping on, mindful that I've only been painting for a few years. I hope to keep on painting and learning for the rest of my lifetime. How good might I be after ten years of practice and reflection? And seeing nature through the eyes of an artist is like being given a pair of new eyes!

I hope my experience encourages you to try that something you've always wanted to do... and keep going! You'll find you're not on your own... Aim to please yourself and one other person... And you may never know who that is.

Having said all this, there are still times when I can't do it or I say I can't. Anxiety grips me, fear of failure, my confidence deserts me. This is a time to pause and reset. Take a break. As long as I need. Each time I finish something, the thought crosses my mind that it might be my last. If it is, then, so be it. There are many ways to spend time - walking, talking, reading, listening to music... But it hasn't happened yet. Comes a point, I must paint or write or make a film or sing. It is what I do. It is what we all do.